Changes

I've been asked by more than one person, how I can have such a good attitude, given the seemingly bad hand I have been dealt. 

I've thought about it a lot. 

I've not really come up with a good answer. 

There are times, when I will just look at something and think that I need to do this or that to it, then I realize that I can't do anything at all. 

Other times I think myself lucky when I don't have to go out in below-zero weather, or into some torrential downpour. 

And, there are times when I feel guilty, as I see Jonell and Lydia overwhelmed with all they have to do on my behalf, and I feel guilty. Mostly because I know about the sacrifices that she and Lydia make on my behalf. 

They tell me that they wouldn't have it any other way, but that doesn't make me feel any less guilty. I really don't have much to complain about. There are people who suffer from Locked-in Syndrome, who have it much worse than me. All I have to do is think about them, and I realize that I have no right to feel sorry for myself. Plus, I am surrounded by friends and family who love me.

 I have indeed discovered the root of the saying that, NO MAN IS AN ISLAND. 

I certainly am blessed with my share of friends and loved ones, who help to make my journey a pleasant one. Just a kiss from my wife, or a smile and hug from my little girl, is all it takes, to completely change my mood. I have everything I need. I have almost everything I want. 

Before my stroke, I would try to find time when I could just quiet my mind from all the noise and chaos that I would face on an average day. Most people know the feeling, trying to squeeze 36 hours, into a 24-hour day. 

Everyone does it, It's like juggling cats! Now, of course, I have all the time I need. I guess my secret is really a simple one, I have just changed my lens. I see the world differently now. 

When I think about it, it really was the only way I was going to survive. 

I had to adapt to live. 

I simply have a different skill set than most of the people I know. Sometimes that is limiting, but sometimes it is freeing, and offers me an advantage over others. 

I never want your pity, I'm ready to earn your respect. 

I've decided I'm going to use the time I have left here on this earth, to better my life, as well as the lives of others. 

My limitations don't have to define me, and I won't let them. I have already started using my laptop. Fine motor skills have been my biggest challenge, wish I was a Southpaw. As luck would have it, I can only move my left hand. 

But I'm making some progress. 

And some progress means I'm just that much further from that person who does nothing but lay in my bed crying, "Why me? "


I watch the ripples change their size
But never leave the stream
Of warm impermanence
So the days float through my eyes
But still, the days seem the same
And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Their immune to your consultations
They're quite aware of what they're going through

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