The reality….

I try hard to maintain a positive outlook, about my situation. Some days are easier than others. I lie in bed, and anxiously wait, returning to the man I once was. I am aware that the odds are against me, but I choose to, instead believe, that my life will not end with me in this bed. 

I want to believe that I will return to the man of my dreams. That there is a reason, why when I close my eyes, that my mind refuses to show me as a man with disabilities. 

Daily, I wonder if I will again, taste a crunchy apple, stroll through lush green grass in my bare feet, or speak my wife's name again. Oh yeah, I'm one of those weirdos that eats pineapple on their pizza! I would be devastated, if i could never eat pizza ever again. You don't know what you've got until it's gone. No truer words were ever spoken, as far as I am concerned. 

My mind often wanders, and I find it triggered by something that is said on the television, a picture I see, or something I read in some book. 

LiS is a cruel condition, in that it reminds you of its presence, every second of every day. You think about it when you go to sleep, you think about it the moment you wake up. It's not a debilitating pain, but it is enough so, that it makes you aware that it is always there. 

I believe I will beat this. It may take me much longer than I would like, but I have faith that I will prevail. 

In spite of my positive outlook, I will admit to having days, when my self-pity, gets the best of me. There have been more things, that have caused me to cry, than have brought me happiness and joy lately. Perhaps, that is due to the things I expose myself to, more than anything after all, my condition intensifys my emotions, and I have no control over it.

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